Ok, so here's the background: Taliya loves Tristan, and Tristan loves Taliya. Everything should be peachy, right? Not so much. Burned by her former lover, Taliya is convinced no one will ever like her again. Especially not someone as perfect as Tristan. After about a thousand almost-kisses, their slow burn romance comes to a head when Taliya finally gets up the courage to confront him about it...
“It’s not like that,” he insisted, shaking his head. Tristan reached out and gently, gently, tucked my hair behind my ear. His hand lingered by the side of my face, his fingers tiptoeing down my neck, thumb tracing the outline of my jaw. I shivered with desire, entranced by his touch— warm and soft as a midsummer’s breeze. I almost could’ve imagined it.
“Then what’s it like?”
Tristan's hands slipped behind my shoulders and pulled me in. Forehead to forehead. The tips of our noses pressed together. His blue eyes burning into mine; hungry— like he’d been dying of thirst for centuries and I was the cool, lapping water that could save him. The rest of the room faded away. The walls disappeared, as did his four-poster bed and the armoire in the corner. There was nothing but him, me. Us. Together on the ottoman.
“It’s like this,” he whispered. He took a deep breath, tilted my chin up, and pressed his lips to mine. Softly. Earnestly. Our lips slightly parted, moving and melting in perfect unison. I’d been kissed plenty of times before, but those kisses were different: wild and desperate, lustful, with heaving chests and groping hands. This kiss was everything those weren’t. It was more honest, somehow. Like it actually meant something. Like we were two halves of one person, coming together at last.
His hands raked through my hair, riding the dark, thick waves down my back, fingertips skimming my sides till they found my hips and drew me in. I leaned into the pressure, eager to close the distance between us. His fine, satin doublet wrung through my fingers as I pulled myself onto his lap, as I loosed the silver buttons one by one, revealing his collarbone and chest. He buried his face in my hair, in my neck, his breath hot and sweet, tingling my skin as he planted tiny kisses from my ear, along my cheek, and back to my mouth.Yes, yes, yes! This was what I wanted
I think this is really wonderful. I like the mixture of longer sentences with single words. It really makes for a good pace.ReplyDelete
I think all of the visualizes are awesome!
My only suggestion would be here: "...I was the cool, lapping water that could save him at last." Take out "at last" because it is implied with the bit about "for centuries" so we get that it was a long time. Presonally, I think it would read a lot smoother.
Otherwise, this is great. I'd keep reading!
My Kissing Scene
Ooh! Nicely done! I love the "It's not like that." "It's like this." And the description of the kissing is great!ReplyDelete
This was fantastic. I really have no criticism at all. I loved it!ReplyDelete
I loved this. All of it! But especially the “It’s not like that,” intro to what a kiss should be, and " This kiss was everything those weren’t. It was more honest, somehow. Like it actually meant something." So perfect.ReplyDelete
This scene should be a definite contender for the "Get a Room" Award! As the other commenters have said, the whole "It's not like that." "It's like this." is a fabulous setup, and the way the scene unfolds is positively steamy.ReplyDelete
Great job! Good luck!
Thank you all for the wonderful comments and critique! (Amber- I'm so glad you pointed out the "at last." All fixed!) This blog hop has been so fun. I'm so glad I entered the contest. Best of luck to everyone!ReplyDelete
"His blue eyes burning into mine; hungry— like he’d been dying of thirst for centuries and I was the cool, lapping water that could save him." I love this! I like your detailed descriptions of the movements taking place. I can visualize each caress and as a reader that puts you right in the scene. Great job!ReplyDelete
My favorite line Jessica up above quoted already...loved, loved that! The rest of it was awesome too. Very steamy, just how I like them!! Good luck--and I agree, entering this contest has been amazing and so cool to connect and meet other writers.ReplyDelete
Turns out, *this* was what *I* wanted too ;) This was one kiss I could seriously feel, heavy on showing to go with the telling. And so, congrats - you get my Write In The Kisser Award! Good luck in the next round!ReplyDelete
Dahlia "The Kissing Expert"
Oh my gosh! Dahlia, thank you soooo much! I'm literally dancing around my house as I type this. :) I could kiss you for picking me! Pun totally intended! Haha THANK YOU AGAINReplyDelete
Hi Adrianna! I haven't received your kissing scene to go up on the CLC blog yet. ???ReplyDelete